Seeing that I have a bit of extra time on my hands, and find myself at somewhat of another crossroad (yet again!) I've been doing lots of thinking....
As I was thinking about sleeping, and completing my bible reading for the day, I found myself once again turning over thoughts about obediance and trust (in God).
Many of you will know about my tendency to be a bit of a worrier... I've been challenged lately, yet again, that our task as Christ followers is not to worry, but to trust in God. Easier said than done is all I say about that for now! (Old habits die hard)
More interestingly at the time I was reflecting on obedience. Some members of my family were formerly living in a cult, for which the school motto was "To hear is to obey". Now this phrase always gave me the "heebies" for want of a better word - i.e. it made me shiver, feel a little fear, etc. Last night I was reflecting on why this is... (as it still gives me the heebies!)
- Is it because of the community and what it represents to me?
- Is it because of my personality (and dislike of authoritarianism)?
I'll expand a little on both these things... but more on the second today, as I want to speak to my relations before I talk in depth about the community.
To start with 1 though... "To hear is to obey". Like all reverent disciples, my family firmly believed in the outworking truth of this statement while they were members of the community. We received school calendars with the school emblem, and the statement, every Christmas. In any of the fairly rare correspondence or interactions I exchanged with my family during that time the overbearing nature of this statement was front and centre and I resented it. Now I wonder how they, being free from the community, now think about the phrase, and more widely what they think about obedience.... I shall endeavour to sensitively ask them soon...
On 2, I admit it... I'm anti-authoritarian, and quite proud of it! That doesn't mean I have no respect for authority, but rather that I dislike the style of leadership that is authoritarian in nature. So, when I am given an order (especially by someone who I don't think qualifies to give me orders) I am likely to respond negatively. This made for much trouble and altercations as a young kid. My mum, and other members of my family, will quite happily tell you of my "famous" showdowns as a kid. However, my parents were on the whole gentle but firm discipliners, and we grew to understand one another.... ;) Still, I struggle at times with this... perhaps it's just 'cause I'm a little of the contrary kind of girl too... You tell me to do it one way, so I'll try it the other... Tell me not to, so I will... that kind of thing. As I've grown up I'm believe I'm better at keeping this in check... especially so as to be more "socially appropriate", and of course to get along in work, and other places with less conflict! I don't tend to pick a fight just for the sake of it, for instance, though I will if I'm feeling especially cheeky. On the one hand all this makes me smile at the funny memories it brings to mind... but on the other hand I fully recognise that it is precisely this part of my nature that has made my own life difficult... especially as relating to my relationship with God.
I long to be a good disciple of Jesus... but I'm not! Though that doesn't come as a surprise, does it? I want to pray that prayer... (from St Richard, according to Google!)
LORD,
May I know you more clearly;
Love you more dearly;
And follow you more nearly
Amen <><
PS... and I'm fairly sure that the answer to the "heebies" question... is a bit of both!
3 comments:
Wow, what a reflection! That's my Jocelyn. What a gift to put these thoughts into writing. I look forward to more to come. Bless you my darling. Your Mum xx
You really ought to post more often, you have so much of revelance to say.
I think what happens as we mature (or should happen!) is that we still maintain our personality, but we are spirit, or Christ led in that personality, instead of being led of our own emotions. It's all a part of yielding to Him, the real voice we are to hear and obey!
Your family must be very proud of the woman you've become...your are a peach!
correction, that should have read "relevance" not revelance!
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